Even Deeper

After ten miles or so, he realized that the black, patterned stains on the highway were bloodstains from animals hit by the fast moving construction traffic. There were a lot of them. The South Korean SUV he was driving was, like every other Hyundai or Kia he had rented, exactly adequate. It wasn't particularly good, but it wasn't particularly bad either.

The path became more indistinct the deeper into the woods I went. The birds had stopped making any noise some time before but only now I notice as the wind died, the leaves calming and creating an unnerving silence.

The job was a job. It paid the bills and that was all. Too many things in his life were done because they should be, because they were expected. Today's unplanned-for trip to the eastern farmlands was a good break from working at a desk all day. The low October sun provided just the right temperature for being out on a jobsite. The people who would be buying the end result of this work had probably protested or objected to the act of creating it at some point, but they would use it regardless and not give it a second thought unless it stopped working.

Only the sound of my footsteps in the undergrowth disturbed the stillness. No path remained, my direction chosen at random as all directions only seemed to go further in.

"When left alone with your thoughts, your thoughts should be left well enough alone."

Stopping suddenly to concentrate on this whispered judgment, a low breeze picked up and carried my last footsteps onwards through the trees. No one else was there. Nothing else could be seen.

There are places so near to your home that can seem very alien. The diner looked as though it had been there for 50 years, yet contradicted itself by being built out of a "mobile" home that obviously wasn't ever going to be mobile unless hauled to a landfill. It was empty save for the crew he was with and the cook and waitress. Made fresh to order, you can have anything you want except we are out of that so want something else.

"You can't escape yourself. There's nowhere far enough away to go. Perhaps you should turn around and confront it all."

Another admonition from nowhere. The voice was not mine, but familiar. Out of the suggestion more than in agreement I turned around but could no longer see where I had come from. The trees had knit closed and become mirrors of each other, all pretending to be the same but quite obviously not. This was a memory, or a dream, but I was wide awake and acutely aware of being alone.

Even if others had passed through this warped land before, there was no remnant of them now, as there would be none of me afterward.

"Difficult, isn't it? Deciding where to go when every choice looks the same."

At the end of the day he always makes it home, where familiarity comforts and welcomes, and the knowledge of where everything is brings a warmth, at least to his waking mind. But there, just underneath, something is amiss. Something is not going where it ought to be. It was a long day, a reasonably productive one. He should have felt more satisfaction as he turned out the light to sleep.


posted by Tom at 11:50 AM | 0 comments |

Comments:

Post a Comment